I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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