Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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