I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Randomize
