They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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