There is no way he is gay with that hair.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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