I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
