I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
The uberlube is also flammable
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
