he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
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