I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
