on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Randomize
