No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I need water and some morals
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
