I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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