we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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