This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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