shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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