Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
so let's talk penis.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
