i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize