Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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