the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
