Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
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