It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
