She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
