he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Randomize
