i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
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If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
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