yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
