How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Randomize
