The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
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