my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
