big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Randomize
