I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
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