i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
This is the prime rib incident all over again
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Randomize
