Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
