Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
i came on her dog
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Randomize
