i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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