Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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