last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I wish life had little blips of pornography
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
