Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
