Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
