She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Randomize
