So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
