I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
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When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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