So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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