Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
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