that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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