I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
