I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
