yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
In other news, I just burned my penis
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
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