worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
