I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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