the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
