South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
These Attractive Criminals Got Modeling Contracts After Getting Arrested
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing