from now on my penis is your penis
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
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