remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Randomize
