I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Randomize
