thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
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