my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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