hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
