Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
