Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Randomize
