He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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