ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
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