So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
