At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
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