Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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