I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Randomize
