Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
